<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>No One Other Than You by MsWhiteLeg</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26603089">No One Other Than You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsWhiteLeg/pseuds/MsWhiteLeg'>MsWhiteLeg</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, But after it's mostly, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Pregnancy, Slow Burn, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Work In Progress, the slow burn comes after, they sleep together in the first chapter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:01:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,654</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26603089</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsWhiteLeg/pseuds/MsWhiteLeg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A smile was good. A smile meant happy things. </p><p>It should comfort her but instead, in one of those eerie moments where time slowed down, in the split second between the smile and the moment the doctor spoke, Rey knew that what was going to come out of this person’s mouth would change the rest of her life. </p><p>“Congratulations! You’re pregnant.”</p><p>------</p><p>Ben comes back in town and Rey is not happy about it. Months of sexual tension result in hate sex. A few months after, they get some news that will change their life.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>61</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>282</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey Niima rarely considered herself lucky. </p>
<p>She had managed to go through the hardship of life thanks to nothing but her resilience and hard work. It wasn't luck when she was able to find edible food: she had to look in restaurants' garbage for it. It wasn't luck when Unkar Plutt decided to employ her: she had to be capable enough to be worth the investment. And it certainly hadn't been luck when she had received her high school diploma: she had painstakingly studied for it, all the while working at Plutt's in order to pay for actual food. </p>
<p>So at twenty years old, when she had looked into Han Solo's eyes after he had offered her a job in his garage, Rey knew it wasn't due to luck. No, that wasn't it. It was destiny. </p>
<p>Han had walked into Plutt's junkyard looking for parts and had left with something else entirely. Rey had been the one to welcome him in. As usual, she had known exactly where the parts he was looking for were and while she worked on getting them out of an abandoned car, they talked. He seemed impressed with her knowledge and effectiveness. After she dropped the car part in his hands, he had said that he was thinking about extending his crew at the garage. He didn't explicitly offer her a job - Rey had a feeling he was too proud to admit aloud that he needed help - but she understood what he had implied. </p>
<p>Leaving Plutt had been the most rewarding thing Rey had ever done. Now, she had a steady income and was renting a small but cosy apartment. She had bought furniture and plants. She had a fridge full of food. She even had a television and a Netflix account. Basically, Rey was living the dream.</p>
<p>While the materialistic side of her life had drastically changed, it didn’t come close in comparison to the change in her relationships. Before working at Han's garage, Rey had been alone. At the time, she had been thankful for it. It was better than being around a man as disgusting as Plutt. But after working with Han and Chewie, and meeting new people like Finn and Rose, Rey realised how lonely she had been. </p>
<p>Han Solo was not a man people would describe as gentle. He was rough around the edges and tough, but never unkind. He hated showing vulnerability and never admitted when he was wrong. Despite this, Rey had felt a connection with him. They didn't talk much, both comfortable working in silence. Their quiet companionship turned into something more profound when his wife, Leia, met Rey. This woman was a force of nature. When she took a liking to Rey, nothing could have stopped her. Before she knew what happened, Rey was part of their life. </p>
<p>Han and Leia had made her feel accepted in a way she didn't know was possible. Rey thought that it was as close as she could get to having a family.<br/>
So, when on a bleak February morning, she found Han unconscious on his living room floor, Rey would have given up her new incredible life in a heartbeat, just to see him open his eyes again. </p>
<p>She was now sitting in what must be the most uncomfortable chair of Chandrila Hospital, or maybe it only was uncomfortable because she had been in it for the past four hours. Leia was on the other side of the hospital bed, and in said bed, laid an asleep Han. The doctor had come in a little while ago to announce that Han was going to be fine, but he needed rest and medicine for his heart. Han hadn't taken the news well, insisting he was fine, but a firm look from Leia shut him up. He fell asleep soon afterward, betraying the fact that he was indeed exhausted.</p>
<p>The room was eerily silent, so when the door suddenly opened, Rey and Leia both jumped.</p>
<p>The man standing in the doorway was breathing hard, like he just ran a marathon. He was wearing an expensive-looking black suit, so that seemed unlikely. The most striking thing about him was how tall and large he was. His brown eyes quickly scanned the room and fell on Han, sleeping. The man visibly blanched. He brought a trembling hand to his mouth, and Rey couldn’t help but notice how big it was. When the hand moved up to pass through his hair, she thought about how soft it must be. Her heart gave a little squeeze, kind of like it missed a bit, and Rey didn’t know if it was because his arrival startled her or if it was because he was one of the most attractive men she had ever seen.</p>
<p>Everything was still so silent as the stranger took a step towards the bed. It seemed to shake Leia out of her stupor.</p>
<p>“Ben?” Her voice was barely a whisper, only audible because of the deafening silence in the room.</p>
<p>The man turned to Leia. His hands were still trembling, and his eyes were wide open, he seemed to be in a state of shock. Leia was not faring better. Her gaze was locked on him, her mouth agape. She looked like she had just seen a ghost.</p>
<p>The man -Ben- opened his mouth, then quickly closed it. He tried one more time, but nothing came out.  His eyes started to moisten, and he finally choked out: “Mom…”</p>
<p>Before Rey had time to absorb the fact that this man was the Ben, he was in his mother’s arms — or rather he engulfed her in his, given that he was so much more taller.</p>
<p>All of a sudden, Rey felt like she was witnessing something very private and diverted her eyes. Whereas minutes ago, she felt like she belonged in this hospital room, like it was where she was supposed to be — next to who had been her family for the last 2 years — she now felt strangely out of place.</p>
<p>"How is he?" Ben said, lifting his head to look at Han. "Why isn't he awake?"</p>
<p>"He's fine, Ben." Leia responded. Her eyes were glued to him and she was still touching him, her hands clasped on each of his arms. "I… I didn't expect you to come."</p>
<p>Ben looked back at her. Rey could see from here how the muscles of his back -impressive muscles, but that was beside the point- clenched. He looked down at his feet and took a step back, unlocking himself from his mother. "I know. I just…" He shook his head, clearly not knowing how to explain himself.</p>
<p>"You're here now. That's what matters, Ben." Leia said, gently squeezing his arm.</p>
<p>Ben nodded. He turned towards Han, and that was when he seemed to notice Rey. She felt herself straighten under his gaze. He frowned.</p>
<p>"I thought the room was for family only."</p>
<p>Rey gasped. The nerve of him! She got up so quickly her head was spinning and crossed her arms on her chest.</p>
<p>"Nice to meet you too." She snapped, her tone clearly stating that it was not nice in any way.</p>
<p>He opened his mouth to say something, but Leia interrupted him.</p>
<p>"Let me introduce Rey. She's a friend. Well, she's more like family." Leia smiled at her. Rey's heart warmed. She looked back at Ben, a sly smile on her lips. Here, take that, Ben.</p>
<p>He stared back at her, still frowning. He let his gaze run over her body, gauging her. They stood like this for a few more seconds. Leia was looking back and forth between them, a curious gleam in her eyes. Ben seemed to decide she wasn't worth the trouble because he turned away, walked to the chair Leia had been sitting on, and let himself drop on it. He fixed his gaze on Han, not paying attention to Rey anymore.</p>
<p>Rey sighed. The air in the room felt heavy. She needed a break from all of this.</p>
<p>"I'm going to go get some coffee." She said to Leia. "Do you want some?" She looked exhausted. The day has been long and draining.</p>
<p>Leia nodded. "Yes, thank you dear."</p>
<p>Rey quietly exited the room and stood a few seconds in the hallway, taking a few breaths of the hospital's sanitized air. As she walked toward the cafeteria, Rey reflected about what just happened.</p>
<p>Ben. Ben Solo. Rey couldn’t believe it. Han and Leia were not really open about it, but their son had been mentioned a few, rare times. And every time they did, it ended with tears in their eyes.</p>
<p>That was why she hated him.</p>
<p>From the little bits of information she had gathered, he had broken his parents’ hearts and then abandoned them. It was something Rey couldn’t wrap her head around. How can you abandon your own family? Especially one like Han and Leia! They were all she had ever wanted.</p>
<p>He had hurt them. He had chosen to leave. She knew too well the consequences of abandonment.</p>
<p>It was something she could not forgive.</p>
<p>But she knew Han and Leia. They'll welcome him back with open arms, not caring about the fact that they spent the last ten years crying over him. But she cared. She was the one who had patiently recomforted Leia when she had been crying over Ben’s birthday. She was the one who had to come up with inconspicuous, intricate ways to distract Han every time he stumbled upon one of Ben’s old things in his garage.</p>
<p>She had opened her heart to the Solos, something that she didn’t do easily. They were her family now and Rey was known for being protective of what mattered to her. One did not grow up with Unkar Plutt without fiercely protecting one’s belongings.</p>
<p>------</p>
<p>The days that followed were hectic. Rey spent even more hours than usual at the garage, trying to compensate for Han's medical leave. At least, she had Chewie with her. Even if he didn't talk much, he was a comforting presence. The absence of Han in the garage was almost tangible and it was weighing on both of them. A constant reminder that they could have lost him. Having Chewie here with her was reassuring, it reminded her that things hadn't changed that much.</p>
<p>To his great displeasure, Han was stuck at home, firmly chastised by Leia every time he dared to stand on his two feet. Leia's surveillance was born out of worry and even if Han grunted and groaned, Rey had often glimpsed a smirk on his face as soon as his wife had her back turned. </p>
<p>Rey was physically exhausted, but it was nothing compared to the emotional toll the presence of a certain someone inflicted.</p>
<p>At first, Ben was here only on the weekends. Apparently, he was a big lawyer in Coruscant, four hours away. She wanted to admire his commitment to driving here every weekend, but his presence was so irritating that she wished he wouldn't bother. </p>
<p>As time passed, it got worse. Especially when two months after Han's heart attack, Ben quit his job and moved to Chandrila. Of course, it meant he was even more present in his parents' house. This, she could have managed. But by some twist of fate, Ben ended up moving into her building. The landlady, Han's friend Maz Kanata, was probably the reason behind her unfortunate new neighbor, but Rey felt like some higher power wanted to mess with her.  The day they realised their unfortunate predicament, after a very heated (not in a good way) encounter in the lobby (she may have accused him of stalking), they had come to an unspoken understanding to just avoid each other. Which was not an easy fit, as they kept finding themselves at his parents’ house at the same time. </p>
<p>Deep down, she knew her hatred for him was deeply rooted in jealousy but knowing the cause didn't stop her from feeling the way she did. And feel things, she did! Anger, exasperation, frustration… and against her better judgment, desire.</p>
<p>She couldn't help herself. When he was around or near her, her heartbeat increased, her hands became clammy and she was fully aware of her own body and most importantly, his body. And his clothes. And what laid underneath... </p>
<p>The only comfort she could find in this mess of emotions was that her hatred, as well as the irrepressible attraction, was reciprocated. Like Rey, these conflicted feelings were also driving him insane. She could see it in the way he looked at her sometimes, how his eyes seemed to darken every time she did something slightly enticing. Which she did, quite often. The perverse delight she felt each time she bent over to pick something up or maintained eye contact with him while she seductively put food in her mouth, only to see his pupils dilate or his jaw clench. She knew that he would never act on it, which was why she was being so audacious. He was not the kind of man to admit any weakness, especially to his enemy. </p>
<p>Maybe she was playing with fire. Maybe one day, it would backfire and she would get burned. </p>
<p>But how could she not respond when he played the game too. When he came to get a beer in the garage’s fridge while she worked on her car, purposely forgetting to put on a shirt after his swim. Or when he seemed to hide, waiting for her to try and reach for a glass in the top cabinets, only for him to pop out of nowhere, rub the front of his body on her back while he reaches for the glass —the exact same one she wanted— and then smirks at her while she stands frozen in place, her cheeks burning. </p>
<p>This game they played only seemed to add fuel to their mutual dislike.</p>
<p>Because she did hate him. Or more accurately, she hated how he made her feel. </p>
<p>Each time she observed him next to Han and Leia, she would witness first-hand their resemblance. The same crooked smile, the same brown eyes, even some of their mannerisms were similar. It made Rey feel sad… and inadequate. She knew that no matter how much she tried, she would never have that. She would never know what it was like to look at your parents and see the features that you had inherited from them.</p>
<p>Did she really fit in here ? Wasn’t she holding on tight to them just to get a glimpse of what it was like to have a real family ?</p>
<p>So anytime Rey arrived at the house, and she saw Ben already there, with his family where he rightfully belonged, all her insecurities came creeping in. Just one look from him, frowning like her presence alone was irritating, was enough to set her off.</p>
<p>It went on like that for months. When Rey was away from him, she would realize how petty she had behaved, that the angry stares or the meaningless flirtations were futile. Then she would promise herself to be less petulant the next time she would see him. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, she could never keep that promise.  </p>
<p>Except for the moments when they were feeling flirtatious and played their little games, Rey and Ben ignored each other, silently sharing the space around his parents. Exchanging several glares here and there, for good measure. The few times they actually exchanged words, it was brief and cold. </p>
<p>-----</p>
<p>The sun was already up high in the sky when Rey left her apartment. The weather was so nice that she thought it was a good idea to walk the forty minutes it took to leave the city center and get to the suburbs. After just a few minutes, she regretted her decision to wear her favourite jean jacket over her wrap dress. She quickly took it off and held it in her hand for the rest of the walk to the Solos’ house. </p>
<p>The first time she had been to their house -more like mansion-, Rey had been speechless. It wasn’t the two-story porch or the columns that made her double-check the address. It was that someone as messy and disordered as Han would live here. Also, she had helped him with the garage’s paperwork so she knew for a fact that he wasn’t making enough profit to afford a house like this. It turned out he hadn’t been joking when he said his wife was the breadwinner.  </p>
<p>She had been here almost every weekend for the last two years. The intimidation she had felt the first time was now long gone.</p>
<p>She climbed the few steps that led to the porch, gladly welcoming its shade. She put her sunglasses on top of her head, peeled away the baby hairs that had escaped from her ponytail and stuck to her skin, and tried to make herself look like she hadn’t been melting under the sun for the last half hour. </p>
<p>When she felt presentable enough, she opened the white front door, not bothering to knock. As she advanced through the foyer, she heard voices -Han and Leia’s- coming from the kitchen. They were arguing. Rey was familiar enough with their arguments to guess, according to the level and intonations of their voices, that it had just begun. She walked into the kitchen. Leia had her arms crossed and Han was leaning against the marble counter, next to a plate of sliced vegetables.</p>
<p>“I can’t trust you to do the simplest things!” Leia lamented, glaring at him.</p>
<p>“It’s not my fault, you should have made a list!” Han argued back.</p>
<p>“We’re having a barbecue, Han! It's not rocket science!” She threw her hands in the air, clearly exasperated by Han’s inability to admit when he messed up. </p>
<p>Han’s eyes caught a glimpse of movement behind his wife as Rey put down her jacket and her handbag on the back of the nearest chair, and he finally noticed her. </p>
<p>“Hey, kid.” Han greeted her. Leia turned and looked up at her.</p>
<p>“Hi, dear.” She smiled.</p>
<p>Before Rey had time to respond, Han walked to her, moving  past Leia. “I bought a new piece for your car. You have to see it.”</p>
<p>He promptly started to direct her toward the garage door, when Leia intervened.</p>
<p>“No, no, no, Han. You’re not going to hide in the garage.” </p>
<p>He faced his wife. “I'm not hiding, I just want to show something to Rey.” He said, pointing at the door. Rey knew that if she stayed here, they might involve her in their bickering, so she slowly started to back away. When these two started, it was hazardous to stick around. </p>
<p>“You’re not fooling me! You’re just trying to run away!” Leia retorted.</p>
<p>Han scoffed. “Me, running away?”</p>
<p>Completely oblivious to them, Rey withdrew to the terrace, closing the sliding door behind her. She let out a sigh.</p>
<p>She turned around and was greeted by the sight of Ben Solo. In bermudas. Suddenly, the hot weather didn’t bother her as much as before, if it meant she could admire more skin than usual. </p>
<p>He hadn’t noticed her entry, since he had his back turned to her. She took advantage of this, and freely let her gaze wander.</p>
<p>He wore a white shirt, paired with a dark blue bermuda and white sneakers. It was simple and very surprising. She had gotten used to him in suits, buttoned shirts or even cashmere sweaters. To see him now dress so casually was jarring. She liked seeing him like this. In a way, it made him look more approachable. </p>
<p>Her gaze traveled on his muscular back, lingered briefly on his noteworthy backside (unfortunately misshaped by the wallet in his pocket), and stopped at his athletic calves. It was a part of him she hadn’t had the pleasure to admire before. What a shame it would have been to miss it. </p>
<p>Before Ben had time to catch her staring, Rey walked to the outdoor lounge and took a seat. She pulled out her phone from her pocket as he finally noticed her presence and looked at her. She could feel his gaze fixed on her, so she unblinkingly stared at her phone, moved her thumb like she was scrolling through a non-existent feed and tried to appear indifferent towards him. </p>
<p>From her peripheral vision, she could see him return to what he was doing. She dared to briefly glance at him. He was crouched in front of a barbecue, apparently cleaning it. The last time Rey had seen it, the barbecue was under a layer of dust in the garage. </p>
<p>She watched as he dropped the sponge into a small bucket of water. He squeezed it repeatedly, and she was transfixed by the strong muscles of his arm, clenching with each squeeze, veins slightly popping out. When he raised the sponge to the black metal, a considerable amount of water followed it and Rey daydreamed about a gush of wind knocking down the bucket on him and -oopsie- his white shirt is all transparent, and clinging to each hard muscle of his chest... She unconsciously bit her bottom lip. </p>
<p>He must have sensed her ogling because suddenly, he was staring right back at her. She quickly looked down at her phone, in what was probably the most obvious way possible. </p>
<p>Even if she didn’t dare avert her eyes from her phone, she could feel his smirk from here. </p>
<p>He eventually went back to his task and Rey’s eyes wisely stayed where they were. </p>
<p>She was responding to a text from Finn asking if she was free later tonight for pizza (always) when the faint tweeting of birds was unexpectedly interrupted by a deep voice. </p>
<p>“Are they still arguing?” Ben asked. </p>
<p>Rey glanced at him. He was focused on his task, wiping the barbecue, now all shiny and ready to use. </p>
<p>“Probably.” she responded. She kept her eyes to the screen, in the hopes to appear as if him talking to her on his own volition was no big deal.</p>
<p>But it was a big deal. Because it almost never happened. Especially when it wasn’t sarcasm or a snide remark. </p>
<p>Speaking of the devil, Leia suddenly opened the sliding door. </p>
<p>“Kids, we’re going to the store because Han stupidly forgot to buy coal for the barbecue. We’ll stop at Chewie’s to see if he wants to come eat with us.” </p>
<p>“Okay, see you later” Rey said, a smile on her face. </p>
<p>“They’re probably going to poke around in his garage for a bit but I think we’ll be back before noon.” She continued, looking at the golden watch on her wrist. </p>
<p>Rey looked in the left corner of her phone. 11.24am. Knowing Han and Chewie, she thought half an hour was probably wishful thinking on Leia’s part.</p>
<p>Leia waved at them and took off, closing the door behind her. They were left alone. </p>
<p>Rey glanced at Ben and briefly met his eyes. He had looked as lost as she felt.  What were they supposed to do now? Talk? They’ve never been alone together before this. Ignoring each other felt less socially acceptable, now that Han and Leia weren’t there. Their presence had always acted like a buffer. </p>
<p>Rey almost jumped when Ben suddenly moved. She stayed in her seat as she watched him pick up the bucket and leave the terrace. When he came back, bucket-less, Rey had come to a decision. She was not going to stay motionless and let it be awkward. </p>
<p>“I’m going to set the table while we wait.” She announced as she got up. </p>
<p>“I’ll help you.” He chivalrously volunteered.</p>
<p>“It’s fine.” Rey walked past him and entered the kitchen, taking off her sunglasses and discarding them on the counter.“I can do it.”</p>
<p>He huffed, following her. “I know you can do it, I just want to help.” </p>
<p>She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Why was he acting so helpful now? Couldn’t he just ignore her as usual? It would be so much easier. </p>
<p>“And I told you, I don’t need your help.” She retorted back as she opened the top cabinet and took out five glasses before putting them on the counter. </p>
<p>Ben stood at the kitchen’s entrance, glaring at her. “You don’t need or you don’t want?” </p>
<p>Rey sighed. She turned back to him and stared right on.</p>
<p>“Okay, if you want to help so much, take out the knives and forks.” She conceded, as she crouched down to open a bottom cupboard. One by one, Rey started to put the plates on the counter, next to the glasses. “They’re in the top drawer next to the stove.”</p>
<p>“Stop it.”</p>
<p>The fifth plate still in her hand, Rey froze at his cutting tone. She looked up at him. He had his back to her but had stopped moving, drawer wide open. </p>
<p>“Stop what?” She asked, genuinely wondering what got him to tense up like that.</p>
<p>His voice was barely audible and strained, like he was working hard to control it. “Stop acting like you know this place better than I do.”</p>
<p>Rey jumped up, outraged. “What? I’ve never-”</p>
<p>He abruptly turned around, pointing a finger at her. “Yes, you do !” He took a step forward, eyes locked on hers. “I don’t need you to tell me where the forks are, Rey.” </p>
<p>She tried not to notice the way a shiver went down her spine at hearing him say her name. No, she was too busy being furious for that, right now.</p>
<p>“I grew up here, remember?” He continued.</p>
<p>Rey scoffed. “Oh yes, how can I forget?” This time, it was her turn to take a step towards him. She was still holding the plate in her left hand, gripping it tightly in her anger. They were very close now, another thing she was too mad to notice. She laced her voice with as much sarcasm as she could. “The prodigal son has returned! Let’s not do anything to displease him!”</p>
<p>He rolled his eyes. “What are you on about?”</p>
<p>“You know exactly what I mean!” She dabbed her finger in his chest. Once again, without acknowledging the hardness of the muscle beneath. “You showed up here after ten years of radio silence! You’re lucky your parents-”</p>
<p>Rey abruptly closed her mouth when he suddenly advanced towards her, backing her against the counter. His fists were clenched at his sides and his face was so close that she could feel his breath on her flushed skin. She couldn’t escape his hypnotic eyes, the brown almost completely swallowed by the black of his pupils.</p>
<p>“This does not concern you.” He growled. </p>
<p>She should have been scared. A man double her size had just cornered her in anger. Something must be wrong with her because fear was the farthest thing from her mind right now.</p>
<p>That’s when Rey realised that they were very close. And very alone. </p>
<p>He must have realised it at the same time, because unexpectedly, his intense eyes fell from hers and settled on her mouth. </p>
<p>He was almost panting, while Rey realised she must have been holding her breath, because she suddenly felt a bit faint. Instinctively, she opened her mouth to take a big gulp of air. </p>
<p>The sudden movement of her lips must have broken the spell, because the next second, his mouth crashed on hers. </p>
<p>She should have known it would happen. She should have known that they were just building up the tension and it was meant to overflow at some point. She should have known his lips were meant for kissing (she did stare at them an embarrassing amount of time). </p>
<p>And she should have known that she would react like this. </p>
<p>She ardently pushed back against his lips, her hands gripping the front of his shirt. They were too engrossed with each other to notice the plate that Rey still had in her hand crashing on the floor, sending porcelain shards everywhere. His hands flew to the sides of her face. He pushed her back against the counter, pressing against her belly his growing erection. </p>
<p>She gasped in his mouth. The telltale warmth of arousal spread along her spine and could feel herself getting wet. Impulsively, she grinded back against him. </p>
<p>“You drive me crazy.” He groaned against her mouth. </p>
<p>The roughness of his voice sent pleasure right to her core and she clenched around nothing, whimpering. </p>
<p>His hands left her face to eagerly land on her tights, slipping underneath her dress. Rey shivered at the sensation of his big, strong hands on her skin. He lifted her on the counter. She barely had time to register the sting of the cold marble before he was kissing her again. She hungrily kissed back, revelling in the sensation of his tongue intertwined with hers. </p>
<p>Her mind was fuzzy with lust. She didn’t think about what it meant or what will come after. All she could think about, as she opened her legs and wrapped them around his waist, was how much she wanted this. Needed this.</p>
<p>She put her arms around his neck, pulling him as close as humanly possible. The hardness in his pants was resting between her legs and she tried to move to increase the friction. They seemed to be on the same page when he enthusiastically squeezed her ass and dragged her tightly against him. They both moaned.</p>
<p>Her fingers went to his hair and she marvelled at how soft it felt. His mouth travelled down to her neck, leaving burning kisses all over it. She threw her head back with a sigh and smiled as she clenched her hands and pulled his hair. He growled and retaliated with a bite. </p>
<p>Ravenous, he let his hands wander all over her shivering body. Her back, her thighs, her ass, they all lighted up underneath his touch. </p>
<p>When he found the little knot that tied her wrap dress, Rey applauded herself for choosing to wear something that will give him quick access. How he managed to work the knot this quickly with trembling fingers, she will never know. Not that she cared right now, as he opened the dress and revealed her unmatched bra and panties. </p>
<p>Ben withdrew a little to admire her. His eyes were completely black and roamed over her like he was starving. Avidly, Rey grabbed his face and drew him back in for a soaring kiss. </p>
<p>He conceded to it for a few moments before he seemed to decide to continue the exploration of her body. She shamelessly whined when his mouth left hers, but she got over it pretty quickly as soon as she felt his breath through the thin fabric of her bra. She felt her nipples harden underneath.</p>
<p>Impatiently, Ben dragged one of the cups down and revealed her breast. She barely had time to register it, that his mouth was on her. He licked, sucked and bit the exposed nipple, before doing it all again with the other one. </p>
<p>Rey had been wrong. Apparently, his mouth was also meant for things other than kissing. </p>
<p>But even if it felt incredible, she needed more. Her hands left his hair and moved down his chest, taking time to feel each muscle. When she came at the bottom of his shirt, she put her hands underneath and wondered at the softness of his skin. She roughly grazed through the hair of his happy trail with her fingernails and Ben involuntarily thrusted his hips at the sensation.</p>
<p>Encouraged by his reaction, she started to work on his button and zipper. Her trembling fingers faltered when Ben, having a much easier access, brought his fingers to her panties. She gasped and he took advantage of her gaping mouth to kiss her, his tongue hungrily meeting hers. Her quest momentarily abandoned, Rey grabbed his waist, needing some kind of anchor. </p>
<p>He pulled back and looked her in the eyes as he moved her panties to the side and ran his fingers through her folds. He groaned when he found her drenched.</p>
<p>After what felt like hours (but was in fact only seconds), he finally applied pressure on the little bundle of nerves. She whimpered as hot pleasure shot through her. Her hands fiercely gripped his shirt as he started rubbing her in tight circles.  </p>
<p>“Fuck, Ben.” She moaned.</p>
<p>She was jelly in his arms while Ben dexterously worked on her clit. Keeping her head up seemed like too much work right now, so she let her forehead drop on his shoulder. Without missing a bit, he kissed the bare skin of her collarbone. His breathing was hard, indicating that he was just as much affected by this than her. </p>
<p>Despite the mind-numbing pleasure, Rey found the strength to get back to what she had started before his rude -but very welcomed- interruption. </p>
<p>The button came undone and the zipper quickly followed. Without hesitation, she slipped her hand inside his underwear and wrapped her hand around his rock-hard cock. She had guessed he would be proportional, but having the confirmation right here against her hand overwhelmed her. </p>
<p>Ben stuttered in his rubbing pattern, submersed with pleasure as she squeezed him. Dizzy with this new-found power over him, she started working him up and down, occasionally passing her thumb over the head and spreading the precum to lubricate her mouvements.</p>
<p>At this point, her clit was forgotten, but she didn’t mind. Seeing him unraveled before her was just as euphoric. He leaned forward, resting his hands on the counter on either side of her and thrusting in her hand. He put his mouth against her ear and breathlily whispered. “Rey.”</p>
<p>Pleasure running down her spine at his rough voice, she instinctively grabbed him tighter. The sound that came out of him was almost inhuman.</p>
<p>Abruptly, he stopped her hand. She almost whimpered as she lost contact with his cock. His hands came back to her center. He gathered the wetness and spread it up towards her swollen clit, without actually touching it. The little devil kept eye contact and smirked as he pressed one finger at her entrance. He easily entered her. So much that he quickly added another finger. </p>
<p>There was a bit of a stretch but he swiftly worked through it. His fingers were long and big, reaching places she never could by herself. After so much time staring at them, wondering how they would feel inside her, Rey was amazed by how it felt a hundred times better than anything she could have imagined.</p>
<p>A third finger joined the others and they both moaned their appreciation.</p>
<p>“I knew you’d feel so good.” Ben said incredulously. Hearing him confirm that he had thought about it too was very rewarding. Not that she was doubting it, with him being three-fingers deep inside her, but still. It felt exhilarating to be wanted like this. </p>
<p>He thrusted his fingers relentlessly and the wet sound of it filled the room. She shouted out his name when he slightly crooked them inside her. Her whole body was burning with pleasure. Just when she felt herself getting close to orgasm, he withdrew his fingers. She wanted to cry.</p>
<p>Thankfully, the next second, he pressed his cock against her entrance. One of his hands was wrapped around him, guiding himself in. His other was gently resting against her cheek, as he looked deep into her eyes. Something about it felt strangely too intimate, but Rey found herself incapable of looking away. </p>
<p>It was a tight fit, even after preparing her. He pushed through until the head was in. They both gasped at how good it felt. He pressed his forehead against hers and looked down at where they were joined. </p>
<p>All of a sudden, he was out of her. </p>
<p>“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He breathlessly swore. </p>
<p>Shocked by the sudden loss of him and mad with lust, she looked at him, gaping with her mouth wide open. Why had he stopped? </p>
<p>He reached for the bermuda that had fallen around his ankles and grabbed his wallet. He frantically searched through it as Rey watched, dumbfounded. Her brain was too mushy to understand a thing, but he looked like a man on a mission.</p>
<p>After a few seconds, Ben suddenly looked up triumphantly, brandishing an old wrapped condom.</p>
<p>Rey stared at it, astounded. How… How had she forgotten about protection? He had been halfway inside her and the thought hadn’t even crossed her mind. If she wasn’t already flushed, her cheeks would have been red with embarrassment. </p>
<p>As Rey processed her lack of forethought, Ben had sheathed himself in the condom. </p>
<p>The whole affair had lasted barely thirty seconds, thanks to Ben’s quick reactiveness. He placed himself back between her legs and kissed her. The pressure of his soft lips against hers was as incredulous as the first time and Rey felt a new wave of wetness slip out of her. This time, she was the one to wrap her hand around him and guide his cock inside her. </p>
<p>She closed her eyes as he pushed inside her, savoring each inch of him. His hands clasped the inside of her thighs to open her further. </p>
<p>When he bottomed out, he froze and took a deep, shuddering breath. She had never felt so full and complete in her life. Once again, she tried not to think about what all of this meant. That was a problem for future-Rey. Present-Rey was too preoccupied to think about consequences. </p>
<p>His first thrust, slow and controlled, made her moan in a way that she normally would have been ashamed of. But as intense pleasure spread through her, Rey couldn’t care less. </p>
<p>His cock was moving, going deep inside her, his torso was pressed against her still exposed nipples and his hands were gripping her hips. But she needed him closer. He was not close enough. She wrapped her arms around his back, pulling him even more against her.</p>
<p>His thrusts were no longer controlled. The hands on her hips were probably going to leave bruises, but she couldn’t bring herself to mind. It felt way too good for that. </p>
<p>He fucked into her relentlessly. All she could do was hold on to him and take it. </p>
<p>The drag of his cock on her inner walls was making her shake with pleasure, reaching places she never knew existed. When he started to leave a trail of open-mouthed kisses on her neck, she briefly clenched around him, so close to coming. His rhythm faltered as he groaned against her throat. </p>
<p>If the urgency in his thrusts was any indication, he was close too. “Sweetheart, please.” He hopelessly begged.</p>
<p>He released one of her hips to place his hand above their joining, and unceremoniously rubbed at her clit. The sudden double stimulation was enough to send her over the edge. </p>
<p>Her whole body tensed as she shouted his name. Her inner walls clasped around him, making him grunt as he forced himself in and out of her. </p>
<p>She was still riding the overwhelming wave of her climax when he shouted, head buried in her neck, and filled the condom. </p>
<p>They both stayed still, panting, as pleasure was replaced by the deep satisfaction of a mindblowing orgasm. He mindlessly caressed her waist as he trailed soft kisses along her neck. She revelled in his touch as she came down from her high. </p>
<p>Then he slowly stepped back, withdrawing from inside her. </p>
<p>As soon as his touch left her, Rey felt a sudden rush of cold. She averted her eyes as he got rid of the rubber, and arranged her bra back in place. </p>
<p>Now that her mind wasn’t fogged with lust, Rey realised what she had enthusiastically participated in. </p>
<p>She had sex with Ben Solo.</p>
<p>She had let Ben Solo fuck her in his parents’ kitchen.</p>
<p>Oh my god, his parents. </p>
<p>They could be back anytime now. They could have stumbled upon them, traumatized for life by the sight of their son, balls-deep inside her. </p>
<p>How could she look them in the eyes after this? </p>
<p>Rey quickly jumped from the counter, feet landing on the shards of the plate she had let slip earlier. She hastily wrapped her dress around her, stepping aside from the broken porcelain. </p>
<p>How had they come to this, this quickly? One minute they were arguing and the next… She swallowed. </p>
<p>Ben came back to her after disposing of the condom god knows where. His shorts were back on, his disheveled hair the only evidence of what had happened. He stepped close to her and lifted his hand to touch her arm, a slight smile on his face. It made her strangely uncomfortable, his rare smiles were never directed at her before.</p>
<p>When his hand made contact with her skin, Rey jumped, stepping back. </p>
<p>Too much was going on. Everything felt overwhelming, and he was big and gentle and confusing and… </p>
<p>“I need to go.” She heard herself say. </p>
<p>Ben was staring at her, with big, brown eyes. He was frozen in place with his arm still reaching out for her. Rey couldn’t bear to look at him and directed her eyes to the tiled floor. </p>
<p>He let his hand fall to his side. She dared a glance and saw him with his head turned, his jaw clenched. </p>
<p>Without a word, she walked past him. She grabbed her jacket and bag in passing, and just like that, she was gone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey leaned back against her door, feeling like she could finally breathe. She had walked back to her apartment like a zombie, going through the motions in a daze. </p><p>Sluggishly, she dragged her feet to the couch and let herself fall into it. She stared at her white ceiling, finally letting the tears silently stream down her face and wondered how the situation had escalated this quickly.</p><p>Her day had started great. She had leisurely stayed late in bed, enjoying her day off, and took a long and scorching shower, even took the time to do a hair mask. She had dressed cute and light, and strolled down happily -despite the heat- towards Han and Leia’s house, ready for a nice lunch with two of the people she felt the most comfortable with. Even the sinister knowledge of Ben’s inevitable appearance hadn’t dampened her good mood.</p><p>How wrong and naive she had been.</p><p>This day was a disaster. She felt almost nauseous with embarrassment. She had let her guard down and thrown herself at him, without a care for the consequences. Those times when she had flirted with him, she had been in control. She had known exactly what she’d been doing and why. To make him suffer the attraction, like she did. To make him think about her, like she thought about him. Constantly, relentlessly…</p><p>However, they were both aware it was just a game. No feelings had been actually involved or hurt. But what they did today, that was different. Now he knew how deep her desire for him went. She had revealed it to him with every cry of pleasure, every scratch of her nails, every breathless kisses...</p><p>And she knew that it was not the same for him. She knew his type. Tall, dark, handsome and rich. He was without a doubt used to having girls left and right, roughly fucking them on kitchen counters, just like he did with her. She was nothing special. She could easily imagine him when he was a big lawyer in Coruscant, parading around in his expensive suits and barking orders. He probably had a different girl every night. For him, she was just another notch on his belt. </p><p>Except that the situation was different. She could not leave quietly the next morning and never see him again. No, she would be forced to face him and see in his eyes the disdain he had for her, this time without the blind desire, now that he had satiated it. </p><p>She personally hadn’t. Satiated it, that is. She wanted more, felt it deep in her bones. She had to admit to the fact that she’ll always want Ben Solo while he didn’t want her in return, process it and move on. Her memories of today will be buried deep down, only to be brought back on lonely nights in her bed. </p><p>She stayed motionless on her couch for a couple of hours, her mind stuck in a loop of thinking about Ben, then doing her best to not think about him, only to end up thinking about him again, and on and on…</p><p>It was only when her stomach loudly grumbled that Rey realised that she had missed lunch. Reluctantly, she dragged herself to her feet and walked towards her kitchen. </p><p>She opened her fridge and stared at it. Maybe cooking will take her mind off the incident and improve her mood.</p><p>One of Rey’s favorite things to do was cooking. After so many years of scavenging for food, and then later with Plutt, of unhealthy processed foods, she had dreamed of having a kitchen of her own and cooking real meals, like she sometimes saw on Plutt’s crappy TV. She could still remember the taste of the quiche she cooked when she had, for the first time, invited a guest in her new home. It had been burned on top and soggy on the bottom, but she had been so radiant that Finn hadn’t even said anything and just kept on eating. </p><p>Rey grabbed some varied ingredients and got started. </p><p>When she cut an onion in half, it quickly burned her eyes, already sensitive from her crying earlier. She let the tears fall down her face, welcoming the sharp sting. It was a good distraction from the turmoil of her thoughts.</p><p>God,  how pathetic she felt, crying over an onion…</p><p>And of course, as if her day couldn’t get any worse , someone rang her doorbell. She wasn’t expecting anyone, having cancelled pizza night with Finn on her way back to her apartment. She swiftly swept her hands over the tears on her cheeks and grabbed a kitchen towel, drying her hands on her way to the door. </p><p>Without looking through the peephole, Rey opened it. </p><p>She had not expected to see Ben, standing awkwardly on her doorstep. He looked like he was surprised to see her, even though he had been the one to knock on her door. They stayed frozen in place, staring at each other, as memories -of his touch, of his kisses, of his tongue- invaded her mind. </p><p>She slightly shook her head, trying to get rid of the vivid images. The moment his eyes registered what was surely red and puffy hazel eyes, his face fell. </p><p>“Please, don’t cry.” He uttered, his brown eyes pouring into hers like he was going to take her in his arms and never let go. Rey wanted to believe it, but she knew that it was not real, that she was just projecting her wishes onto him. She was all too conscious of the fact that it was pity and not affection reflecting in the softness of his gaze.</p><p>God, what an humiliation ! First he had seen her at her most vulnerable earlier and now he was assuming she was crying over him. Well, she did cry but that’s not the point right now.</p><p>He took a step towards her but Rey stopped him by raising a trembling hand. She didn’t need his pity or the consolation he surely felt morally obliged to give her. </p><p>“I’m not crying, I was just chopping onions.” She quickly retorted. She felt cold as she closed down her walls, building a barrier around her wounded feelings. She will not let him see how he had affected her. Determinedly, she steeled her face, not letting any emotions go through, and lied. “I couldn’t care less about what happened. It’s already forgotten.”</p><p>He stepped back, like she had just slapped him. She could see the hurt in his eyes, before he looked at the floor, his hair hiding his face. He probably wasn’t used to his conquests being this nonchalant about his sexual prowess. </p><p>“I should have known.” He whispered to himself, so quietly that he probably didn’t mean for Rey to hear. For a second, she fantasized that maybe he had come to tell her that he felt the same, that he wanted her for more than a quick fuck, and that her harsh words may had crushed his hopes.</p><p>No, she couldn’t afford to think like this. What had she said to herself earlier ? He doesn’t want you like this, process it and move on. </p><p>When he looked back at her, Ben showed nothing. His face was blank of any emotions. Not even anger or his usual frowning. Strangely, Rey felt a little bit let down. If he had been openly mad at her or even just casual and nonchalant about the whole thing, it would have been easier to detach herself from her feelings. But no, he had to act nice, even if it was out of guilt.</p><p>“Did you need something?” She asked, looking away to escape the coldness of his eyes.</p><p>He seemed to remember that he was holding something in his hands. Rey immediately recognised her sunglasses. She had left them behind in her haste to leave.</p><p>“I found them on the floor, after…” He held them out to her, letting his unfinished sentence linger in the air. Rey couldn’t stop the red from her cheeks as she swiftly grabbed them, making sure to not touch his skin. </p><p>She looked down at her hands clenched around the sunglasses. So, this was the real motivation behind his visit. He was just being nice, by returning to her something she may need later.</p><p>Her protective walls must not have been that effective because she was suddenly overwhelmed by the pain of her disappointment. Slowly, she could feel her eyes start to fill. This time, she wouldn’t be able to blame the onions for it.</p><p>Cowardly, without even looking him in the eyes, she muttered her thanks and closed the door on him.</p><p> </p><p>----------</p><p> </p><p>“It’s so good!” Rey managed to say with her mouth full of her third lemon cake.</p><p>“Glad you like it.” Leia laughed, looking at her from the other end of the buffet table. “I can ask the caterer for the recipe, if you want.”</p><p>“Really? I would love that!” She smiled widely, before putting her hand to her mouth, realising the spectacle she must make of herself. </p><p>Leia shook her head in incredulity, a warm smile on her lips. She turned her attention to the table before grabbing a small chocolate pudding and returning to mingle with her guests. </p><p>Rey thought about taking a fourth cake but decided to be reasonable and walked away from the table. She let her eyes scan the living room. The couches had been temporarily removed to give room to the almost thirty guests. She wasn’t exactly sure what  Leia’s party was about, some sort of political gathering or maybe fundraising. Rey knew that even if she had retired a few years ago, Leia would never really stop working. </p><p>Feeling a little out of place in this gathering of classy outfits and fake smiles, she stayed in her corner, clenching her hands together. Leia had invited her and Rey hadn’t been able to say no, even though she didn’t understand why Leia had felt the need to have her here. Socializing was not Rey’s forte. Han was hiding with Chewie in the garage, maybe she should go hide with them?</p><p>As she was contemplating going back to the table for her fourth cake, mouvement on the other side of the room caught her eyes. </p><p>Ben.</p><p>She quickly averted her gaze - careful not to acknowledge how her heart had stopped or how good he looked in jeans and a blazer over a simple t-shirt (of course, all black) - and walked to the small group that Leia was conversing with. She inserted herself stealthily and laughed with them at a joke she hadn’t heard. She knew the best way to approach the situation was simply to ignore it and pretend nothing happened. </p><p>In the five months since the incident, Rey had seen him exactly six times - not that she was counting. And each of these encounters have been brief and impersonal; he was just dropping off something for Han at the garage or he was on his way out when she visited Leia.</p><p>There were no more dinners with the four of them, no more playful flirtation, no more eye contact of any sort… Rey would lie if she said she didn’t miss it, but she knew it was for the best. She thought the time apart had helped but according to the way her body reacted when he walked into the room, apparently not. </p><p>They had come up with thousands of different excuses to avoid each other. Rey was aware that Han and Leia were suspecting something, especially after the way she had disappeared without an explanation at the barbecue. But they didn’t ask. Ben had been back into their life for seven months now but Rey knew they were reluctant to confront him in any way. So they let it slide and never brought it up, not even with her. </p><p>Rey’s spine tingled and weirdly, she knew he had his eyes on her. She tried to focus on the old, wrinkled man in front of her telling a story about his wife, or maybe it was his dog? Not sure. She stiffened when she heard footsteps behind her and stared intently between the man’s eyes, without blinking. Relax. He was just going to pass by, maybe grab some food at the table, and then she’ll discreetly flee to the garage and chat up Han for the rest of the afternoon. </p><p>“Ben! Come join us!”</p><p>Fuck. So much for that. </p><p>She kept her head straight as he came up to the group. Leia greeted him with a big smile and grabbed him by the arm. </p><p>“Wexley, you remember my son?” Leia said to a middle aged man. He looked up at Ben, eyes wide.</p><p>“Damn, you’ve grown!” Wexley exclaimed as he extended a hand that Ben shook. “The last time I saw you, Leia was taller than you. You're a man now!” Ben shifted awkwardly under Wexley’s appreciation. “Look at you, you must have ladies throwing themselves at you!”</p><p>Rey huffed. </p><p>Immediately, Ben turned his head and their eyes locked. It only lasted a few fleeting seconds but it was enough to send a shiver down her body. The things he could do to her with just a glance. </p><p>With his trademark frown, he returned his attention to the group and fumblingly tried to redirect the conversation to anything other than himself. Unfortunately for him, it was unsuccessful.</p><p>“So what are you doing now that you’re back in Chandrila?”</p><p>“Um… Just taking time off, trying to figure out what I want to do next.” He shifted slightly, clearly uncomfortable at having so many eyes on him. </p><p>“Are you going to take over your dad’s garage? Continue the legacy?” </p><p>Rey felt like a bucket of cold water had just been splashed all over her. Then, at the thought of him taking over the garage, the last thing he hadn’t tainted by his overwhelming presence, the only job where she had ever felt useful and valuable and happy, her temperature rose as quickly as her anger. And as usual when he was concerned, she couldn’t keep her mouth shut. </p><p>“What? He probably couldn’t tell apart the washer fluid from oil, let alone how to run a garage.” The venom in her voice was very poorly veiled. Everyone looked at her, surprised. </p><p>Ben took the bait without blinking. “I’ll let you know that I have worked on cars since I was tall enough to see under the hood.” He turned to her and glared at her. “I’m not incompetent.”</p><p>She glared right back.</p><p>“There's a difference between running a garage and changing oil, Ben.” She emphasized his name, like she was lecturing to a difficult toddler.</p><p>He used the same condescending tone with her. “I know, Rey. I worked in dad’s garage every summer when I was in high school.” He took a step forward, looming over her. “Not that you’d care.”</p><p>“Oh, I care.” She pointed a finger to his chest, her eyes glued to his. “I just never thought someone as refined as yourself would deliberately dirty his hands.” </p><p>They were so close now, completely unaware of the people around them. He sneered. “Oh, you know perfectly well that I love getting my hands dirty.”</p><p>She stared at him with her mouth agape. How dare he use what happened between them like that? She could slap him. He looked like he regretted it as soon as he said it, but it was too late. He had said it -in front of everyone- and couldn’t take it back. </p><p>She took a step back, finally tearing away her eyes from him. Only for them to land on their audience. Including a stunned Leia. </p><p>When her eyes met hers, Rey felt ashamed. Ben brought out the worst in her and now, everyone had witnessed it. She was going to be sick.</p><p>She turned on her feet, ready to get the hell out of here. Suddenly, her nausea amplified and she abruptly stopped, worried that if she took another step, she was going to throw up all over the floor. She took a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself. </p><p>Her vision started to get blurry and a strange coldness spread all over her limbs. </p><p>She barely registered someone calling her name as everything went black and she dropped to the floor.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry for the cliffhanger! <br/>Tell me what you think :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for all your kind words, it's really motivating!<br/>I'll try to update every Monday :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was a voice. A very pleasant voice. Low and deep, she wanted to be enveloped in it. She was certain it would be the most comfortable blanket in the world. </p><p>But the voice seemed troubled. Like it was distressed. </p><p>“Rey?”</p><p>The voice kept saying that name. It was familiar but she couldn’t really put her finger on why.</p><p>“Can you hear me?” </p><p>Yes, she could. Maybe she should respond? She tried to open her mouth but nothing happened. </p><p>Wait, she couldn’t move at all. That was not normal. Frustration turned to panic. What happened? She quickly ran a mental checkup of her body. She could feel every muscle, they just didn’t seem intent on obeying her orders. </p><p>She could feel other things too. Her butt was on the hard floor but her upper body was wrapped in something warm, soft and hard at the same time. She felt something smooth caress her cheeks, brushing away her hair from her face. She realised it was a hand. </p><p>“Sweetheart, please.”</p><p>Her eyes shot open and her body jerked, finally functioning. All she could see was Ben’s face, looming over her. He looked really tense but his features quickly changed to relief as soon as she made eye contact. His amber eyes were melting into hers. The last time he had looked at her this softly, they had been in a very different kind of embrace. </p><p>She looked away and noticed the whole room had gathered around them, forming a tight circle.</p><p>Oh god.</p><p>“I’m-” She started, her voice weak. She rubbed her face and tried again. “I’m fine.” Yes, that was a bit more convincing. </p><p>She attempted to stand up and miserably failed before the strong arms wrapped more tightly around her and helped her. She wobbled a little, her legs not strong enough to support her weight. </p><p>“I’m taking you to the hospital.” Ben declared.</p><p>“What? No, I said I’m fine.” She felt a little weak but that was to be expected after fainting. Why she had fainted, she didn’t really care. All she wanted was to get out, away from all the prying eyes. “I just need to go home and lie down for a bit.”</p><p>“You just lost consciousness, Rey. You should get checked up by a doctor.” He was still touching her, his eyebrows frowning in concern and his eyes never leaving her. After all those months without any contact, it felt strange. But she was too feeble to act like his attention was bothering her. She shamelessly basked in it, even if it was just for a few moments. </p><p>“I agree with him.” Leia interjected before Rey could say anything. She made her way to her and delicately touched her arm. “Let’s get you in the car.”</p><p>Rey didn’t have the heart to object and didn’t protest when they led her to Ben’s car.</p><p>----------------------</p><p>Rey was laying on the hospital bed, her arms crossed over her chest. Ben was sitting on the other side of the room, arms also crossed. They hadn’t spoken in almost an hour, since the nurse had come to take a sample of her blood.</p><p>It’s been a few hours since she had fainted and she felt completely fine, like nothing had happened. But now, she was stuck on a bed, waiting for a doctor who will only tell her nothing she didn’t already know: she was fine.</p><p>Ben kept jerking his leg, like he was impatient to leave and to get it over with. Rey’s eyes were fixed on the wall in front of her but she could still see his leg move in her peripheral vision. She stared at the wall harder, trying to block him.</p><p>It was not like he had to stay. And he was the one who forced her to come here in the first place. </p><p>After the first hour in the waiting room, he had gradually distanced himself from her, without a doubt regretting his decision to come, now that their whole afternoon was going to be wasted here. In the silence they had shared, Rey had time to think about why he had been so concerned for her. She thought that maybe he felt guilty because they were arguing when she fainted. Or maybe he was concerned that she was going to sue him for annoying her to the point of losing consciousness. But Rey had seen his eyes, and she knew deep in her bones that he had feared for her. </p><p>What she didn’t know was why. He had made it clear that he didn’t care about her, hadn’t he? The more she spent time in this ER room, the more she had doubts. She replayed every conversation they ever had and was forced to realise that it was not conversations… It was just her pushing him away. </p><p>Becoming slowly aware of the fact that her insecurities had put a stop to any kind of relationship they could have had... Yeah, that hadn’t been pleasant, especially with him right next to her. She needed to process this revelation alone, away from the source of her turmoil. </p><p>“You know, you can leave.” she said, eyes still fixed on the wall. “I can take an Uber home.”</p><p>“It’s alright, I don’t mind.”</p><p>She sighed and looked at him. “Then stop moving your leg, it’s driving me crazy.”</p><p>His leg stopped moving immediately and he had the nerve to look sheepish. “Sorry, I didn’t notice I was doing it.”</p><p>“Well, I did.”</p><p>They stared at each other. It was one of their usual stares. Well, usual before the incident. Where they didn’t know what to say but couldn’t seem to be able to turn away either. To see which one was going to admit defeat first and look away. This time she won, but only because his phone stole his attention from her when it beeped. He read the text and said :</p><p>“My mom is asking if you’re alright.” </p><p>Rey’s heart warmed. She will never get used to people caring about her.</p><p>“Tell her not to worry, I’m fine.” He started typing. “And tell her I’m sorry for disturbing her party. Oh, and remind her to send me her recipe for the cake.” With a small sigh, Ben continued typing. “And also that I will see her on Sunday as usual and-” </p><p>Ben slammed his phone on his lap and looked up. </p><p>“I’m not a carrier pigeon, Rey.”</p><p>She opened her mouth to snap at him but stopped, remembering her epiphany earlier. She had to stop getting wrapped up so easily and snap at him at any given opportunity. </p><p>Before she had time to think about what to say, the door opened and two people came in, a doctor with paper in her hands and a nurse rolling in what looked like an ultrasound scan. It was not the same doctor Rey saw when she came in. They probably changed shifts, giving how long she’s been here. The doctor looked at Rey and Ben while the nurse put the scan next to the bed.</p><p>“Rey Niima?”</p><p>“Yes, that’s me. ”</p><p>“I’m Doctor Brown. I’ve replaced Doctor Wilson who you saw earlier.”</p><p>The nurse finished installing the scan and quietly left, closing the door behind her. She didn’t know why, but suddenly Rey felt a sense of dread deep in her stomach. She stole a glance at Ben, who was now standing next to her. </p><p>Dr Brown checked the few pages she had in her hands before looking up, and smiled. </p><p>A smile was good. A smile meant happy things. </p><p>It should comfort her but instead, in one of those eerie moments where time slowed down, in the split second between the smile and the moment the doctor spoke, Rey knew that what was going to come out of this person’s mouth would change the rest of her life. </p><p>“Congratulations! You’re pregnant.”</p><p>A deafening silence followed the doctor’s statement. It seemed like both Rey and Ben had stopped breathing. Rey’s eyebrows slowly began their ascent to the middle of her forehead, while her jaw went the other way, her mouth gaping, forming a face that was the embodiment of a surprised What the fuck?. Her brain seemed to finally catch up when she spoke.</p><p>“It’s not possible.”</p><p>The doctor was beginning to realize that her ‘congratulations’ was maybe a little bit premature. </p><p>“I can assure you, ma’am. The level of hCG in your blood does not lie. We’re going to do an ultrasound to confirm it, of course, but-”</p><p>Rey began to shake her head. </p><p>“No, you don’t understand, I’ve had my period every m—”</p><p>“I should leave.” Next to her, Ben was looking really uncomfortable. He had his eyes a little bit too open, betraying the fact that he was as surprised as her about the news. “It’s obviously a personal matter…”</p><p>No, no, no, no… He was not going to run away. If she had to deal with this nonsense, then so did he. </p><p>“You stay right here!” She cried out, pointing at him.  “Because if I’m pregnant, then you’re the father!”</p><p>That seemed to shock him. He took a step back, like she had physically slapped him.</p><p>“What? We had sex one time like five months ago! We used a condom and you’re clearly not five months pregnant! So I don’t—” His voice was rising and instinctively, Rey matched his intensity.</p><p>“You’re the only one I had sex with in the last two years! So unless you’re saying it’s an immaculate conception, I’m-”</p><p>Before she could finish her sentence, Dr Brown took a few steps towards them, her hands in the air like she was trying to tame a dangerous animal. </p><p>“Calm down, please, it’s not helping the situation. Let’s take a few breaths.”</p><p>Rey continued to glare at Ben a few moments before she turned and focused on the doctor. She took a deep breath. In and out, in and out. When the doctor turned to Ben, she could see that he was still staring at her. “That was also for you, sir. Breathe.” She glared at him until he seemed to give up. Rey watched as his chest moved up and down and as the breathing technique made him relax. He let out a big sigh and went back to the chair, sitting down heavily.</p><p>Dr Brown turned to Rey. “Miss Niima, did you say your last intercourse was five months ago ?”</p><p>“Yeah…” She tried to remember when exactly the incident took place. “Early June, I think.”</p><p>“June 3rd” Ben said without hesitation.</p><p>Rey stared at him. The way he said it had surprised her. She did everything in her power to forget about the day they succumbed to their attraction, unsuccessfully. She was sure he did the same. And yet here he was, speaking so quickly, like the fateful day had been on his mind every day for the last five months. </p><p>“Well, I think it will be best to do the ultrasound now.” Dr Brown said, walking to the right side of the bed, and started working up the scan. </p><p>Rey was still staring at Ben and he was staring right back. His eyes were full of emotions and she didn’t know what to make of it. Suddenly, the weight of the situation fell on her and she became fully aware that she may be pregnant. That she may have a baby in a few months. That she may become a mother very soon. Her eyes started to fill up and immediately Ben was at her side. Her left hand automatically reached out for him and he took it with both of his. She looked down at her small hand engulfed in his and it made her feel protected.</p><p>“Open and lower your pants a bit, please” said Dr Brown, while taking out the ultrasound stick and putting a generous amount of gel on it. Reluctantly, Rey pulled out her hand from Ben’s and started at her button. Her hands were shaking so bad it took a few tries for her to undo them. As soon as she was done, she put her hand back in his. Anxiously, they both looked at the screen as the doctor lowered the stick on her lower belly. She jerked when it made contact, surprised by the coldness of the gel. Ben squeezed her hand.</p><p>Almost immediately, forms of all shapes appeared on the black and white screen. It was blurry and rapidly changed as the doctor moved the stick across her belly. Rey felt nervous. She didn’t know if she was nervous about confirming the pregnancy or disproving it. Before she had time to delve on the source of her nervousness, a familiar shape started to form. A head, a body, legs… </p><p>Rey froze. The only thing that kept her from spiraling was Ben’s hands that were now clenched around hers, almost to the point of hurting. Their gaze hadn’t left the screen and they both gasped when suddenly, the figure moved and a small hand appeared. It seemed to shake them out of their stupor. </p><p>“Fuck” Ben said, and Rey couldn’t have agreed more. </p><p>It was real. She was pregnant. The thing that moved on the screen was inside of her. She didn’t feel it move. Her belly was flat. How was it possible?</p><p>She looked up at Ben and saw him a little pale. </p><p>“I think I need to sit.” he said. He turned his head and looked at the chair on the other side of the small room. He looked back at their joined hands and then awkwardly tried to reach out to drag the chair behind him. She watched him struggle for a few seconds until he successfully managed to pull the chair next to the bed, all the while not letting go of her. He let himself fall on it.</p><p>On another occasion, she would have laughed at this big man, comically stretching himself to grab something out of reach. But he only did it because he didn’t want to let go of her hand and it was so sweet, especially coming from him, that Rey didn’t know how to react. Adding this to the sudden discovery of the baby they made together… Yeah, she was not in the right state of mind for laughter right now. </p><p>Oblivious to all this, Dr Brown continued to work on the scan, pushing buttons and moving the stick at different angles. Rey’s eyes had drifted back to the screen, drawn to it like a magnet. </p><p>The doctor pushed a few more buttons and suddenly, the room was filled by the incredulous sound of a heartbeat. It had a fast pace, reverberating in her whole body. It was like she could feel each pump in her own heart. </p><p>She had read somewhere or maybe heard in a movie that women became mothers the moment they found out they were pregnant. She didn’t feel like a mother. She felt like a 22-year-old scared woman. She was barely able to keep her plants alive, how could she be expected to take care of a baby? The only person Rey had kept alive so far had been herself, and it had been enough work. </p><p>“Do you want to know the sex of the baby?” the doctor said, as she turned off the audio. Rey’s eyes left the screen to look into Dr Brown’s. She had a reassuring smile on her lips. It did not reassure Rey. </p><p>Not knowing what to answer, she turned to Ben, who looked like a deer caught in headlights. She looked back to the doctor. </p><p>“Can we wait a little? It’s just… It’s a lot right now.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, I understand.” She responded, with another smile. This time, the smile did its work and Rey relaxed a little. </p><p>The doctor removed the stick and gave her a paper towel to wipe her stomach. </p><p>“According to the fetus’s size and what you told me earlier, you are well into your fifth month of pregnancy.” Ben’s hand tightened a little bit more and once again, the slight pain of it kept her sane. She was not alone. At least, for now. “You’ll need to see your gynecologist for a more precise date.”</p><p>“I’m so confused, how is it possible? I don’t have a belly and I had my period regularly… And no morning sickness or anything… I just don’t understand.”</p><p>The doctor nodded gently.</p><p>“It’s called a denial of pregnancy. Your mind is so sure of not being pregnant that your body hides the physical signs of pregnancy. The baby has developed inwards your body, pushing your organs instead of showing itself. It happens more frequently than you know.” A sudden rush of terror went through her. Strangely, she would have expected to be terrified for herself. She just learned that something was pushing on her organs. But no. The coldness of dread she felt was not for her. Ben seemed to be on the same page when he spoke.</p><p>“Is it bad for the baby?” </p><p>The doctor smiled again. God, she needed to stop smiling.</p><p>“No. From what I’ve seen, the fetus has a normal size, nothing seems out of order. And Miss Niima’s blood test was good. So you don’t have anything to worry about.”</p><p>Rey let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Relief rushed through her. Seconds ago she was terrified and now, she felt light. What a rollercoaster of emotions. </p><p>Although, Ben didn’t seem satisfied with the doctor’s answer.</p><p>“Rey fainted earlier. Isn’t it worrisome?” </p><p>“Dizziness can be common in pregnancy. The body is experiencing great changes and sometimes the blood flow can fluctuate. Miss Niima’s blood pressure was fine by the time she arrived at the hospital, and hasn’t varied since she’s been here. There’s a good chance it was an isolated incident.” She looked at Rey as she continued. “Of course, it’s important to keep an eye on it. If you feel dizzy regularly and it’s impacting your everyday life, don’t hesitate to go see your doctor. Alright?” </p><p>Rey nodded. Dr Brown pulled out a pen from her pocket and started writing on the papers she had when she came in. </p><p>“Speaking of your doctor, what’s the name of your gynecologist? I’ll be sending him a copy of your file.” she said. “And you’ll need to make an appointment with them, so you can talk about what to do next.”</p><p>Sensing that the consultation was coming to an end, Ben left her side to gather their stuff, as Rey gave the doctor her gynecologist’s information. She got up and walked to Ben and took her coat. </p><p>“I think it will be best for you to take a few days to rest and most importantly to absorb the news.” The doctor said as she came up to them to shake their hands. “The secretary will give you your file on the way out. Have a good evening.”</p><p>And just like that, she left. Rey didn’t expect anything less. They were in the ER, the doctor had other things to do. But still, it felt weird, how she got to move on to other things while Rey’s life had been completely turned upside down.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The 'big revelation' was the first thing I wrote for this pic, so it has a special place in my heart. I hope you enjoyed! </p><p>Just a little info, don't expect too much plot for this fic. I'm mostly interested by the way the pregnancy and parenthood are going to affect the characters and their relationships (Ben and Rey's, of course, but also with Han and Leia), so it will be more about character's growth, with a great dose of fluff :)</p><p>Also, denial of pregnancy is real and spectacular, I think. Some women can carry a healthy baby to full term with showing any signs of pregnancy, it's crazy what the body can do!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for all the comments last chapter, it really motivates me!<br/>And look, I made a moodboard for the fic! I did my best haha</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
The drive back from the hospital was blurry. Rey remembered the faint music of the radio, the headlights of the passing cars that had blinded her tired eyes and the white of Ben’s knuckles clenched around the steering wheel. </p><p> </p><p>They were now parked in front of their building. She could see her newly repaired car in the parking lot. Someone must have driven it back here from Han and Leia’s house. </p><p> </p><p>They hadn’t said a word since they left the ER. It was probably for the best, they needed some time to process the news. She knew that talking about it, that acknowledging it right now, would be too much for her. She needed to get her thoughts in order before discussing with him about what they were going to do. At least, if he wanted to have anything to do with it. </p><p> </p><p>Her hands were clenched around the hospital’s file. Even though it was thin and light, its content felt heavy. She was too aware of the fact that the proof of her pregnancy was in this file. There were photographs of the ultrasound, according to the secretary. Rey hadn’t dared to look. She could remember all too well the small head, hands and feet…</p><p> </p><p>She felt overwhelmed and empty at the same time. When she glanced at Ben, she saw that he was not taking the situation better. He was still gripping the wheel, even though the engine was off, and his eyes were fixed ahead, unblinking. He looked completely out of it. </p><p> </p><p>They had been parked for a few minutes now, without daring to move or speak. The silence was strangely comfortable, like they shared their little bubble of uncertainty. They knew that they would have to get out at some point and face the world. It was inevitable. </p><p> </p><p>“I should go home.” Rey said, her voice barely above a whisper. </p><p> </p><p>He didn’t react. Maybe he hadn’t heard her?</p><p> </p><p>After a moment, he finally turned and looked at her. His eyes were empty of emotions. Rey waited for him to say something but he stayed still, his brown eyes fixed on her face.</p><p> </p><p>“I think it’s best if we take the night to think and maybe we can talk about… all this, tomorrow?” Rey said, this time a little bit louder. It seemed to take him out of his torpor. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I need some time to…” His voice trailed off and he swallowed.</p><p> </p><p>“Me too.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey took a deep breath and opened the door. She was halfway out when she stopped. </p><p> </p><p>“Thank you.” She muttered as she looked back at him. “For being there with me, at the hospital.” </p><p> </p><p>He looked a bit surprised by her words. It hurt her to think that her relationship with him was so bad that he would be surprised at her showing gratitude. He nodded slightly. </p><p> </p><p>Rey got out of the car, her cheeks red. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>When she got up to her apartment, Rey found comfort in her routine. She cooked, ate in front of the tv, washed the dishes and went to prepare for bed. It was a few hours later, when she stood in front of the sink, watching herself in the small mirror, toothbrush in hand, that she finally came to term with the fact that she was pregnant.</p><p> </p><p>It was happening. There was no way to deny it. </p><p> </p><p>Now what?</p><p> </p><p>Her years of fending for herself had made Rey practical. When she was faced with an unexpected situation, she had to think fast and find out how to deal with it. Even if this was probably the most frightening situation she had experienced, her mind was already trying to make sense of it and organise her thoughts. </p><p> </p><p>If there was one thing she was sure about was that she was going to keep this baby. She knew she was too far along her pregnancy to have an abortion, not that she had even entertained the idea. Her only solution was adoption, but giving up the baby was out of question for her. Maybe it would have been the easiest option given her situation, but deep down, she knew she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she went through with it. After spending her whole life looking for a family, the thought of abandoning her own child, of doing the same thing that had been done to her, made her feel sick. </p><p> </p><p>Her mind raced as she thought, brushing her teeth. Even though it was sometimes hard to believe, her life was stable now. She had a nice apartment and a stable income. She even had managed to put some money aside. She could provide for the baby. It was going to be hard to work and raise a child but others could do it, so why not her?</p><p> </p><p>Han and Leia. She hadn’t thought about them yet. It was their grandchild. How will they react? Would they be happy? Or maybe angry she was the one that would bring their first grandchild into the world, out of wedlock? Would they even care about that? She thought of them as parents and was scared to disappoint them in any way.</p><p> </p><p>And Ben. That was the thing that stressed her the most. She hadn’t even recovered from her epiphany that he might care about her, that the whole situation was thrown upon them. Would they manage to work their relationship out now that they were going to become parents?</p><p> </p><p>Would he even want to become a father? He was older than her but that didn’t mean he was ready or that he even wanted kids in the first place. Also, he had just left his job. Everything was very uncertain in his life and now, with all this…</p><p> </p><p>What a mess they had made.</p><p> </p><p>Rey finished brushing her teeth. As she was leaving the bathroom, she caught sight of herself in the floor-to-wall mirror. She abruptly stopped and looked at her body. She brought a shaking hand to her belly. It was flat. Nothing was amiss. It still boggled her mind that she was carrying a child. She looked nothing like it. </p><p> </p><p>She closed her eyes and pressed her hand. Maybe if she would concentrate enough, she would feel… him, her? She took a deep breath and waited.</p><p> </p><p>Nothing. Maybe a little grumbling, but she was sure it was just her dinner being digested. </p><p> </p><p>Disappointed, she left the bathroom and got into bed. She happily sighed as she lied down, relieved to finally put this day behind her. But her brain wasn’t done yet and wouldn’t shut up. She turned and turned around in her sheets for what seemed hours -haunted by thoughts of a round and innocent little face with big brown eyes and dark hair- before Rey finally drifted to sleep. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>When she opened her eyes the next day, she was blinded by a ray of light, landing directly on her face through the gap in her closed curtain. With a groan, she turned her head away from the unwelcomed light. She buried her face in her pillow and tried to recall her dream and continue whatever she was doing in it, unsuccessfully.</p><p> </p><p>Curious of when the bloody sun had dared to wake her up, she reached for her cellphone and looked at the time. It was barely 8am…</p><p> </p><p>More groaning followed. </p><p> </p><p>As she buried herself deeper in the warmth of the blanket, Rey slowly began to recall the day before and everything that came with it. The events of yesterday flooded her thoughts and rapidly chased away the grogginess of sleep. Now fully awake, Rey realised something felt weird. Different. </p><p> </p><p>With trepidation, she placed her hand on her stomach.</p><p> </p><p>A sudden rush of adrenaline shot through her body when her hand landed on a roundness that wasn’t there the night before. </p><p> </p><p>She quickly uncovered herself. There it was. Faintly stretching her white camisole, the swell of her belly was unmistakable. Her heart quickened and her hands started to shake slightly. She pulled her shirt up and looked mesmerized at her rounded skin. She watched as her belly went up and down with each breath she took. She could feel the weight of it, now impossible not to be aware of it. As she caressed her bump, she was fascinated by the hardness and softness of it. </p><p> </p><p>She got to her feet and jogged to the bathroom. There, she observed herself in the mirror. Her camisole was ajar, her belly poking out of it. </p><p> </p><p>Well, now there was no mistaking it. No one could doubt her pregnancy.</p><p> </p><p>When Rey finally drew her eyes away from the bump, she met her gaze in the mirror. Wide-eyes looked back at her.</p><p> </p><p>Because the oblivious girl from days ago was gone, the frightened girl from yesterday too. Now, what she saw in her reflection was a mom. A soon-to-be mom, but a mom nonetheless. </p><p> </p><p>Just now, it occurred to her that she was going to be a mother. In her fear and panic and determination yesterday, she had thought about the financial side of things, she had thought about the baby, about the father, about the grandparents… But she hadn’t thought about what it meant for <em> her </em>. About her role in all of this. </p><p> </p><p>She was going to be a mother. She soon will have a small being that will need her. And she will have to be responsible for this being. Yes, she would have to provide food and clothes, but also education, guidance, stability, care, love… </p><p> </p><p>Her vision blurred as the tears accumulated in her eyes. </p><p> </p><p>She had understood the practicality of a pregnancy. But suddenly the weight of it came crashing down. </p><p> </p><p>She didn’t feel ready. She didn’t know how to be a mother. She never had one. Maybe she didn’t have what it takes to be a good one, like her own mother. Maybe she would mess this up so bad that her child would grow to hate her. </p><p> </p><p>Her tears fell down her face. She was so lost now. And so alone. Why did she always have to be alone? </p><p> </p><p>But maybe she wasn’t. Ben was here, in the same situation. Maybe he felt as lost as her. And as alone.</p><p> </p><p>She tried to dry her tears as she ran out of her apartment and rushed down the stairs. Before she knew what she was doing, she was standing barefoot in her sleeping shorts and camisole, right in front of Ben Solo’s door. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
Without a second thought, she knocked on the door. And knocked again. And again. By the time the door opened, Rey was frantically pounding on the door. She froze, her fist in the air, when she finally saw Ben. He looked like he hadn’t slept well. His hair was disheveled, his clothes wrinkled (it seemed like he hadn’t changed from yesterday) and he had dark shadows under his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>They stood there watching each other for a while, both surprised at Rey’s early visit. She had momentarily forgot why she had run here, too distracted by Ben’s just-woke-up look. She could feel her wet cheeks and self consciously wiped them with the back of her hand. </p><p> </p><p>The next second, she was pulled into his arms. One wrapped around her waist and the other cradled her head. He crushed her against him and held her tightly. So tightly she wondered if this hug was for her comfort or for his. Either way, she hugged back, just as strongly. </p><p> </p><p>It felt so good. For the first time since the news dropped yesterday (and maybe for even longer if she cared to admit), she didn’t feel alone. So many questions were left unanswered but for a while, in his arms, she wasn’t as scared as before. So she stayed here, basking in his warmth, not overthinking it like she usually did. </p><p> </p><p>Unfortunately, every good thing must come to an end. Ben suddenly stepped back, his gaze drawn to her now obvious bump. </p><p> </p><p>“Wow.” He ran a hand through his hair, his eyes fixed on her belly. He looked a bit scared but Rey seemed to detect a bit of awe too. That was an improvement from the emotionless stupor of yesterday. </p><p> </p><p>She caressed her stomach, Ben’s eyes following the movement. “Yeah, I just woke up like this. It’s so weird.”</p><p> </p><p>He finally looked up at her and nodded. “It is.” After a few moments, he stepped back and opened the door wider. “Come in.”</p><p> </p><p>The first thing Rey noticed when she walked across the doorstep was how empty the apartment was. There were the basics: a kitchen, a table, a few chairs, a couch and a tv. That was about it. But it wasn’t the lack of furniture that struck Rey the most, it was how lifeless it felt. As if Ben was occupying the space, not living in it. It didn’t look like he had moved in half a year ago. </p><p> </p><p>“You can sit down, if you want.” Ben said, gesturing to the big couch. He went into the kitchen. “Do you want something to drink, coffee or tea?” </p><p> </p><p>“Coffee, please.” She looked at him from the couch. He seemed nervous, fumbling with the cups. </p><p> </p><p>He quickly came back and sat next to her. Rey was reaching for the cup he was holding out for her, when he suddenly withdrew it. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you allowed caffeine?” He asked, clasping the cup away from her. </p><p> </p><p>“What? Why wouldn’t I be allo-”</p><p> </p><p>“The baby. Isn’t caffeine bad for the baby?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t either. Better safe than sorry, I think I have decaf. Wait a second.” And just like that, he was rushing to the kitchen making her a new cup. Rey watched him work, tears swelling up in her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>He cared. Even if it was something as stupid as coffee, he cared for the baby’s wellbeing. It tugged at her heart. </p><p> </p><p>She had taken control of her tears (damned hormones) when he came back. They drank silently for a few minutes, neither of them willing to be the first to speak. But Rey needed answers. She looked around for a bit before deciding to put her half-empty cup on the floor, as there was no coffee table. Straightening a bit, she took a deep breath. </p><p> </p><p>“So…” She spoke softly. Ben watched her intently, gripping his cup. “I’m keeping the baby, but I don’t want you to feel pressure about your role in all of this. I made the decision by myself so I intend to face the consequences of it on my own.” </p><p> </p><p>Ben opened his mouth to respond, but before he had time to say anything, Rey nervously started on rumbling. </p><p> </p><p>“Of course, I would love for my child to have a dad, I’m not going to lie. And it would be easier financially, let’s be honest. Not that I can’t provide for myself, I can! I’m perfectly capable of raising a child, I think. No, I’m sure. So, you know, if you’re not ready to be a father, I under-”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, stop, breathe.” Ben had now also put his cup on the floor and was gripping Rey's shoulders, a faint smile on his face. He seemed amused by her tirade. She took a deep breath, heat rising in her cheeks. “I think it is the most words you've ever said to me.” He continued, chuckling softly.</p><p> </p><p>Tension left Rey’s body. She laughed, hiding momentarily behind her hands. She looked back at Ben. He quickly lost his smile, serious all of the sudden. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m lost.” He admitted, taking her hands in his. “I have no idea what I’m doing and what the future holds, but there is one thing I’m sure, it’s that you’re not going to raise this child alone. I have no idea how to be a father, I’m probably going to be a shit one, but at least, I’ll be here.”</p><p> </p><p>Relief shot through her. Even after convincing herself it would be alright without him, the thought of being alone in this had terrified her. She also had her child’s interests in mind. She had long to have a mother and father all her life and she didn’t want to make her kid go through it. She knew all too well how much missing a parent could fuck you up. </p><p> </p><p>The traitorous tears made an apparition once again but this time, she could see them in Ben’s eyes too. They embraced once again. She couldn’t get enough of it. There was something magical about his hugs. Everything seemed possible. It was exactly what she needed right now. </p><p> </p><p>After a few minutes, they drew apart. Rey looked at her knees, feeling a bit uncomfortable. What did they do now? They had so many things to figure out, to plan and prepare. One thing suddenly came to mind.</p><p> </p><p>“We have to tell your parents.” She declared.</p><p> </p><p>Ben groaned like he hadn’t thought of it before, and let himself fall back on the couch. </p><p> </p><p>“They’re going to be insufferable.” He let out, sighing. </p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes were fixed on her lap. Quietly, she spoke. “You think…” She swallowed thickly, sensing Ben’s eyes on her. “You think they’ll be mad that… you and me… you know?”</p><p> </p><p>A few seconds passed, her eyes still avoiding his. Then, he spoke softly. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think there is anything you could do wrong in their eyes. They won’t be mad at you, don’t worry.” </p><p> </p><p>Despite her insecurities, Rey tried to believe him. </p><p> </p><p>Ben didn’t let her time to think and casually dropped a bomb.. “Do you want to get married?” He asked, nonchalantly, looking everywhere but at her. </p><p> </p><p>“What?” Rey exclaimed, eyes big as saucer.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just that Mom is going to ask this kind of question when we tell her. I feel like we should discuss this beforehand.” He said, still avoiding her gaze. </p><p> </p><p>Rey stayed silent, thinking. For a second, she had thought he was proposing. As completely out of nowhere as it had been, it had made her heart beat faster. Out of fear or out of excitement? She better not dwell on that, because either way, her response would have been the same. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to get married. Not like this. Not because I got knocked up accidentally and you feel a sense of duty or something.”</p><p> </p><p>“Agree.” He replied, gazing intently at the wall in front of him.”So we agree to raise this child together but… separately?”</p><p> </p><p>“I guess so.” Rey found herself suddenly very interested by the wall too. </p><p> </p><p>“Great.”</p><p> </p><p>“Great.”</p><p> </p><p>Awkward silence followed. They just sat there, looking everywhere but at each other. Rey was suddenly reminded that only one day ago -god, it felt like a lifetime ago-, they were actively ignoring one another. Now, their lives were intertwined in a way they hadn’t expected. </p><p> </p><p>They still had some work to do on their relationship -or whatever it was. But Rey had to admit that she felt a bit relieved that they were now able to speak without fighting. Even if it was only due to an unplanned pregnancy. </p><p> </p><p>Ben let out a big yawn and bent down to reach for his cup of coffee. </p><p> </p><p>“Didn’t sleep well?” She asked, reaching for her cup as well, suddenly remembering it. It was cold. </p><p> </p><p>“Didn’t sleep at all.” He replied, grimacing at his cold coffee too. He glanced at her, looking like he was wondering if he could tell her something. He seemed to decide favorably. “I spent the night looking up pregnancy and stuff.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyebrows shot up. She hadn’t expected that. “Really?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” He said, sheepishly. “I”m not used to being out of my depth like that. So I spent the night… I don’t know, gathering knowledge.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey could understand that. “You needed to seize back control.” She said, nodding. He looked up at her, eyes wide like he hadn’t expected her to understand.</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly.” He breathed. </p><p> </p><p>Rey smiled in her cup, her eyes not leaving his. “So, what did you find?”</p><p> </p><p>He thought for a few seconds before speaking. “That denial of pregnancy is way more frequent than you might think, and that we’re lucky you didn’t find out you were pregnant <em> while </em> you were giving birth.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh no!” Rey exclaimed. “Does it really happen?”</p><p> </p><p>“I read <em> stories </em>, Rey.” He said, still visibly shaken by his late-night reading. </p><p> </p><p>Rey chuckled.</p><p> </p><p>She would probably feel different in the upcoming weeks, but right now, having a baby with Ben didn’t feel as daunting as it did before. </p><p> </p><p>Ben brought his hand to his mouth as he yawned again. </p><p> </p><p>“I should let you get some sleep.” Rey said, putting her empty cup on the floor. </p><p> </p><p>Ben looked like he wanted to argue but he looked at his watch and sighed. “I have to be at my parents’ house for lunch in a few hours. I usually go on Saturdays since…” He glanced at her.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t need him to finish his sentence to understand. <em> Since you’re over there on Sundays </em>. </p><p> </p><p>“Maybe,” he continued, running his hand through his hair (Rey was starting to realise he did that every time he was nervous), “you could join us? We could tell them… together.”</p><p> </p><p>He seemed so unsure of himself. She was used to him being impassive and imperturbable, it was peculiar seeing him like this. But now that she thought about it, his attitude at the time had probably been a mirror of her own animosity. </p><p> </p><p>“Good idea.” She nodded, relieved that she won’t be doing it alone. “There is no point in delaying it. It’s not like I can hide it now.” She added, gesturing to her belly, even more prominent in her sitting position. </p><p> </p><p>“Ok, great.” Ben responded, his eyes fixed on her bump. He swallowed thickly and turned his eyes away, suddenly getting on his feet. “So…”</p><p> </p><p>Rey got her cue. “I’m going.” She declared, standing as well. “See you later.”</p><p> </p><p>“Later.” He said, barely audible.</p><p> </p><p>With just a few steps, she was at the door. It felt strange leaving just like that after the conversation they had. She stopped, turned back and met his eyes. He looked at her intensely and -not for the first time-, Rey wished she knew what was going on inside his head. </p><p> </p><p>She smiled at him. For a few seconds, he just stared. Then slowly, a faint smile appeared on his lips. </p><p> </p><p>His smiles were rare, at least for Rey. They were quickly becoming her favourite thing (maybe at a tie with his hugs). Every time she saw him smile, it felt like everything was going to be alright. </p><p> </p><p>She left the apartment, feeling a hundred times better than when she first came in. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed! And as always, tell me what you think!<br/></p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you enjoyed! It's my first fanfiction so don't hesitate to tell me what you think :)<br/>Come say hi on Twitter: @MsWhiteLeg</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>